When did I cross the threshold from believing I could do anything, to coming up with a million reasons not to even try?
There is this moment in my life I often replay in my mind. Some of the details are unclear but the main jist of it is as clear as day. It was kindergarten and we were given an assignment. The assignment was to draw a picture of what we wanted to be when we ‘grew up’ and tell why. Such an amazing little assignment for a child just figuring out how the world works and oblivious to trials and challenges.
I don’t really remember what any other kid in the class said or drew. I remember however, that I didn’t hesitate for a second when coming up with my answer. And the ‘why’ was even easier to come up with. I remember taking that orange piece of construction paper and eagerly finding a spot at a table by myself. Completely excited about how cool my stick figure drawing would be. As I drew my eyes were huge, my blood was pumping and I could actually picture myself fulfilling that dream. Perhaps that’s why I remember it so well. My mind was clear and my body was actually telling me ‘this is good; remember this moment’!
That’s when I lose it though. I can’t really put the pieces together that fall in between that moment of clarity and where I am today. Something along the way went wrong. I took a wrong turn. That dream never came true.
What is it that happens? Are we given a choice? Are there multiple answers and most of us decide to not even venture a guess? When do we decide to forget about our dreams and fall into mediocrity?
Today, I know that what I drew on that orange piece of paper was not the right dream for me. But the intention was right on. It had all the right ingredients. It jump started my mind, my heart, my passion. It was a goal that had a purpose. It was hot enough to get me excited about life. It doesn’t matter that I would most likely not have followed that career path anyways, that is irrelevant. What is relevant is no matter what I would have drawn on that paper that day, somewhere along the way, I would have stopped trying to reach that dream anyways. And… I think its even fair to say that most of us, can relate. Most have given up on their dreams.
Well… F that.
I refuse to fall into that pit of dismay.
Here’s a situation I told my wife last weekend.
If she hadn’t slapped me with a dose of reality, I would still be wallowing in self pity about it.
Does anyone remember Corey Rudl?
Corey passed away in 2005. He was and still is a very well respected teacher and man of the people. He was a pioneer as an online business instructor. His courses helped many many people reach their dreams. If you don’t know who he is, please do yourself a favor and google him.
In the year 1998 (or around there, not quite sure what year), I purchased a course written by Corey and his team called “The Insider Secrets to Marketing your Business Online”. This course was tremendous. Not only in size but also in value, information, and ingenuity. When this thing arrived, I was on fire. Much the same way I was on fire back when I was 6 years old drawing my dream. This was it. This was my way to make it. This was MY passion.
Let me take you back just a little further and hopefully make things more clear.
It was 1992 when I was using my dial up to get onto bulletin boards. Did anyone ever use newsgroups?
Anyways, that’s pretty much when I fell in love with computers. I’ve been behind one ever since. Now do you see why Corey’s course was a good fit? Was it really possible to make money, build a career and be self sustained using this amazing new form of communication? NO WAY! It can’t be!
Well… I did buy that course and I did read it. I did try to make it work for me. Man did I try…
But it didn’t pan out. Do I blame the course? Do I blame the internet? No… I really don’t.
Well, over the weekend, I was watching a video from Frank Kern. Frank is a modern day internet cowboy. Literally.
He was talking about how he got started making money online. Today, Frank is extremely wealthy and very well know within the online internet marketing community.
Anyone wanna venture a guess on how Frank got started? Yup… In the late 90′s he bought a course created by a young man named….
… wait for it …
Corey Rudl.
Boy was that a dagger to the heart. My wife saw it on my face too. She could tell right away that I had just hit a pretty big downer.
Thank God for her, she lifted me right out of that dark cloud. Thanks Babe!
So what was different? What differentiated me from Frank Kern? Why is it that today he is a super duper internet marketing Gazzilionaire and I am still struggling to get going?!
It’s simple really.
When it didn’t work the first time, I gave up and took a long time to get back up.
Perhaps this is when I crossed that threshold. It could be that since then, I have been beating myself up and not allowing myself to let go and REALLY try again.
I’ve had some attempts since then. Don’t get me wrong. Shoot, I’ve been trying different things for years and years!
I even had a gel candle shop in my basement.
Have I failed?
No…
Because I am still trying.
Perhaps I wasn’t meant to be a Doctor the way I had envisioned myself back in Kindergarten. I do know that I was meant for something… and I assure you, that I will not stop the journey until the day I die.
